Chrissy Rutherford spent 15 years in fashion with a life that looked enviable from the outside — and, as she'll tell you, sometimes felt a lot harder than it looked. These days, through her newsletter FWD JOY, she writes about what it took to get to the other side: more confidence, more self-trust, and genuine joy she doesn't have to perform for others. Cannabis plays a simpler role for Chrissy than for most of our spotlights. There’s less ritual, more relief: a low-dose gummy when she wakes at 3am, a CBD topical when her body needs a reset. We talked about summer expectations, self-compassion over self-improvement, what's bringing her joy this season (spoiler: it’s London and being in Europe), and the one thing she'd tell anyone whose summer doesn't look like the grid. She’s giving us a permission slip to kick off this summer; consider this yours, too.
You spent 15 years shaping culture in fashion before launching FWD JOY. What did that chapter teach you about the difference between looking like you're doing well and actually feeling well?
When I hit a certain point in my career, where I was more visible and getting comments on social media about how lucky I was to be at certain events, to receive gifts from brands, or to travel to cool places, I really wanted to lift the veil a bit. Yes, I had this seemingly glamorous job, but not only is it actually A LOT more work than people realize, but I'm also someone who struggled with anxiety in the midst of it all. Sometimes I was trying to manage myself so I wouldn't have a full-blown panic attack at a fashion show or feel really stressed about traveling for work because I get flying anxiety. At the end of the day, so many of us are quietly fighting inner struggles while our lives on the outside look great.
FWD JOY isn't about chasing happiness but seems more like making room for the full spectrum of being human. How has your definition of joy changed since you started writing so openly about your mental health?
Originally, I landed on this newsletter name because my dad's birth name was Foward Joy– and I thought it would be cute to abbreviate it to FWD JOY since it was an email. As I was launching it, someone asked me if my newsletter was going to be joyful—and I said, "Not really." I felt way more connected to the ways I've struggled in life, and I knew that many of my stories were rooted in that. But as I've written more about what I've navigated and overcome in my life, I realized that afterward I have become more joyful, more confident, more self-assured. And I think it has pushed me to appreciate the genuine joy that is in my life now.
Summer gets sold as the season when we're all supposed to be thriving. Why do you think it can actually be one of the loneliest or most emotionally complicated times of year?
It's definitely lonelier because it's the time when there's more expectation to be out and about socializing—the sun is shining, and the weather is warm. But we are still in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. A lot of people feel like they don't have real friends they can lean on and/or spend time with in person. Not to mention, on Instagram we see so much more of people's lives than we were ever meant to see. So, if people are hanging out at the beach or having a backyard BBQ without us, we're probably going to see it.
For someone who's quietly having a hard summer while everyone else's Instagram looks effortless, what's one thing you wish they knew?
We'll never ever truly know what people are going through just from what they choose to show us on social media.
You've shared with us that low-dose THC and CBD are part of your wellness routine. What role do they play in your mental health? What do they help you access that you might struggle to find otherwise?
They really help me get a good night's sleep. Sleep is so important to me—I don't function well without it. Thankfully, I never have trouble falling asleep at bedtime, but when I inevitably wake up around 2 or 3am, I really struggle to go back asleep, I typically can spend an hour just tossing and turning. A little cbd/thc gummy always helps to knock me back out.
When you're reaching for cannabis in any form or dose, is it usually because you want to change your mood—or because you want to better understand what you're already feeling?
Usually to change my mood. I think CBD has so many great benefits. I love CBD topicals if I'm having period cramps or if I'm feeling particularly activated and need a little reset it's very helpful.
Your work is rooted in self-awareness and emotional honesty. Has cannabis ever helped you quiet the noise enough to hear yourself more clearly?1 response
Honestly, I've never really tried it for that reason but this is inspiring me to!
You talk a lot about self-worth. What's one belief about yourself you've had to actively unlearn—and what helped you get there?
That I struggled with romantic relationships because there was something wrong with me. It's only in the last five years that I've really been able to let that go. So many things contributed in helping me get there... studying my birth chart, therapy, having a better understanding of my trauma and family history and how it's impacted me and the way I view relationships. Also, I have trust that my path is my path, and we're all here to learn the lessons that are necessary for the evolution of our soul.
You've built a community by reminding people they don't have to perform perfection. What does "taking care of yourself" actually look like on a day when you don't feel joyful at all? What about for a whole season?
Have you ever had a sad summer, and how did you deal with it...how would you deal with it today?
I think the biggest thing we can do for ourselves when we're just not feeling like ourselves is be compassionate towards ourselves and not try to push ourselves to feel better. The inclination to push ourselves to feel better right away is often what causes so much friction. I love Kristin Neff's self-compassion meditations for being able to sit with uncomfortable feelings. When I'm experiencing difficult feelings, I also ask myself, what might this moment be teaching me? It's okay to go through periods where you feel like isolating or just being introspective.
What's bringing you joy this summer and what's one thing you've given yourself permission to let go of?
Being in Europe. I really cherish the fact that I now have the freedom in my life to travel and exist wherever I want. I have spent the last four summers in London, and it's been such a treat. I'm giving myself permission to let go of the need to help someone with their problems to prove that I can be valuable to them.
Joy, mental health, cannabis, self-worth—they're all really about building a better relationship with yourself. What's one ritual that's helped you do that again and again?
Talking to my inner child and learning how to self-regulate.
f there's one thing you hope people carry with them through the rest of the summer—especially if they're feeling lonely, overwhelmed, or like they're "doing it wrong"—what would it be?
It's okay to have periods when you feel like you need more rest than usual, or that you're in limbo or outgrowing your current life. We have to learn how to ride the different waves that come at us but there will always be more joy ahead for us.
