A MINI MOMENT WITH: MEADOW MONAGHAN

In these highly politicized, hot-take times, legal cannabis can be easier to find than nuanced conversations. That’s one of the reasons mental health consultant Meadow Monaghan started the Thoughts May Vary podcast with her friend, writer and journalist, Gabriela Ulloa. The podcast is about “changing your minds,” offering candid conversations with one another and a range of guests with a common thread of mental health.

Outside of the podcast, the San Diego native consults for brands, organizations, and artists, helping people move through obstacles and triggers, understand what they're going through in real time, and process it through their art. 

In this Mini Moment, Meadow shares advice on personal development, opens up about her evolving relationship with cannabis, and breaks down some hard truths around triggers, growth, and maintaining mentally healthy cannabis rituals. Plus, her current playlist faves and dream pod and sesh guests (not mutually exclusive).

Tell me about your journey studying and thinking about mental health.

I come from a family that has dealt with or experienced bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, losses to suicide, and depression—it kind of runs the gamut. Getting into mental health and psychology frankly just felt inevitable. I studied psychology in school and started working in classic mental health nonprofits and direct service roles. Ironically enough, working a nine-to-five in mental health kind of ruined my mental health. So, I found a way to merge this with creativity and form a new creative path within the world of mental health that's been very, very liberating.

How did the podcast come together?

Gaby and I became friends right before the COVID-19 pandemic. We loved getting into the weeds, talking about getting triggered by something and then how our minds would change about it; getting really granular in the process of growing and healing. At the time, a lot of online conversations about mental health were coming from a place of toxic positivity—very much like, “Don't die by suicide, just think happy thoughts!” We didn't see a place for nuance around feeling one thing one day and then learning something new and changing your mind about it the next. We assumed that if we were craving this space on the internet, others might resonate with it too. 

Right now, nuance is almost treated like a weakness. It’s like forces are pushing us to pick who we are and be one thousand percent sure about it. 

I agree that that's what the forces are pushing us towards and then strongly disagree with that sentiment. The only way to grow individually or as a society is to be open to changing your mind and seeing things from another perspective. It's an art that we've lost that could really help us be more connected to others in our community. The only thing I know for sure is the only constant is change. That's kind of the fun part of living to me—I don't want to be stagnant and forced into one box or one identity for the rest of my life. I want to change and grow. 

What do you find to be the most common obstacle to personal development?

It is hard to put a universal experience into a common challenge. But I will say that I feel like a lot of our unconscious beliefs about ourselves, the way we move through the world, or limiting beliefs come back to a root fear. And oftentimes, it's connected with our inherent sense of self worth.

What are your thoughts about how the broader discussion around mental health has evolved?

Gaby and I spoke to this ad nauseam recently, kind of went off about how much we strongly disagree with Mental Health TikTok. So, in 2020, there were therapists and experts and people coming online to share empirically backed tools and resources, and that was so cool. So necessary—making education accessible to everyone. There's that side of things that is wonderful and beautiful. And then there's the other side of TikTok where people really like to grab hold of concepts and information and run wild with it. 

Everyone talks about the world community, but no one wants to do the work it takes to actually be in one. No one wants to talk about conflict resolution. We famously say on our show that “your triggers are your responsibility.” That can be hard to hear, but there's so much to that accountability piece that can be liberating and so freeing. 

Can you speak more to that concept—that ‘your triggers are your responsibilities?’

What I mean is that the world is not set up to accommodate your triggers. The value in learning to be culturally responsible and understand other people's perspectives and maybe speak with more kindness and more empathy and understanding of intersectional experiences that you can't relate to is valid. But there is a line, especially in online circles, where sensitivity to triggers can hold you back from healing.

I picture it like a little kid pulling on your shirt, like, “Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me!” The more I ignore that trigger and try to set up the world to move around it, the louder that kid gets, begging for my attention. Whereas if I could take the time to slow down, look at it, understand it, and ask how it served me in the past? How is it trying to protect me now? What would be helpful moving forward? It kind of reclaims that freedom and control a little bit.

What role does cannabis play in your life?

Weed was introduced to me when I was 13, and even then, it was pretty intentional. It's always been a means of connection for me. It was me and my high school sweetheart driving by the beach or to a lookout point, hotboxing his car and having existential conversations. Little adventures and being stoned. It definitely oscillates in seasons for me, especially having to do with my mental health.

What is your current consumption ritual?

 

Two years ago, I was in a heavy stoner phase. But right now, my pendulum has swung to the other side, and I'm keeping it more intentional, like a special little treat. Getting high on a Sunday to clean the apartment to good music, a balcony smoke and people-watching, or getting high before hiking. 

Back when my anxiety was pretty bad, weed would take me out of my head and into my body in a really beautiful way. Slow me down and calm my nervous system. Nowadays, it's rare that I have an anxious day, and I find that if I smoke too much, now it almost blocks my connection to myself, my emotions, and the world around me. Now, microdosing weed and mushrooms together? My god, a magic combo for me. Just a little micro-dose, then get creative or get in a flow state, and then smoke a little weed on the neighborhood walk—nothing makes me feel so connected. And it doesn't take a lot. Being in my thirties has just been bliss all around, but my tolerance being so low now is such a perk. 

What’s your favorite Miss Grass flower?

I love Fast Times! I'm typically either a sativa or hybrid kind of person. I'm big into working with weed to unlock fun, creative inspiration. For example, last week I smoked Fast Times while walking around the neighborhood listening to an album that I'm helping with some creative direction for. It really helps those imaginative downloads flow. 

Can cannabis impact your mental health journey negatively?

For sure. Anything can be healthy or unhealthy. You can overexercise. Social media can build healthy connections and unhealthy addiction. There's a lot of new research coming out that’s pointing out some real risks to heavy, daily use and young developing brains. Especially if you have a diagnosable mental illness or a history of psychosis experiences. Like everything else, be really honest with yourself about your intention, your usage, what works for your body, and what doesn't. 

I don't think it's as detrimental as some voices say, and I also think it's more serious than some in the weed industry want to acknowledge. There's still so much research that needs to be done.

Does cannabis ever come up on the podcast?

We’ve talked about our personal experience with weed or using weed to support our self-care and spirituality, and we talked a bit about weed in relationship to other plant medicine during a chat with Dr. Sam Zand, a researcher in ketamine treatments and therapies. But we haven’t yet done a designated landing episode with a researcher to get into it—that’s high on our list of something to do soon.

Who's one of your favorite guests you've had on the show?

We had someone come on recently that has been really inspiring me and lighting me up: Dené Logan. She's a relationship therapist and she is my exact blend of science and spirituality. I think in the episode, I literally called her my perfect balance of Carl Jung and Ram Dass. 

Do you have a dream guest?

This list is so long. Top of the list: Rick Rubin, Melina Matsoukas, FKA Twigs, James Blake, Julia Fox, Dave Free. Oh my god, Dave Free and Kendrick together, the PG Lang kids. I also think Trash Tuesday and Thoughts May Vary would be a really fun podcast collaboration.

Is there an intersection between dream guests and your dream blunt rotation?

Absolutely. I also genuinely think that Zoe Kravitz and Ilana Glazer would fuck with Gaby and I. A blunt circle would be a perfect kismet way to set that off. But also, like…Jeff Goldblum.

What's been on the top of your playlists, either podcasts or music?

How many more times can I talk about the fucking Brat album? I think she's a genius. I think it's monumental. The Lorde remix and the mental health themes. Also Chappell Roan (obviously) and I cannot stop listening to Jake Wesley Roger's new single, “Loser."

What are topics that you could talk about endlessly? 

I mean, besides mental health and spirituality, honestly, it's art, food, and skincare. Those are like the pillars of my personality. I come from a big food family, like multiple chefs in the family, so food all day. I grew up as a dancer. I have many trained fine artists in my family, so I always kind of felt like an artist without a medium. I'll probably have a midlife crisis and become a dermatologist.

What's your last favorite skincare product you purchased?

Well, I just got ClearStem in the mail, which is something that Gaby has been raving about. I'm very much a SkinCeuticals girl, but I have been breaking out just a little bit. I think with the change of seasons, your skin always has like a transition moment, so I figured now’s a good time to give it the girl scout try.

What's a piece of advice you wish you heard earlier in life?

This is such a cop out answer, but talk to yourself. You can't control your emotions and you can't control your physical reactions, but you can control your thoughts and behaviors. It's very CBT-esque [cognitive behavioral therapy]. I speak to myself all day long. Any kind message that I can give myself in the present moment is the one I need to hear and is the best one I can hear right now.

Whatever sign you're looking for in any given moment—you have the power to give that to yourself. Listen to that intuition.